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November 09 going awayAs we sit down and make up stories, I'll grow a thousand feet above ground, and your hand will clasp my elbow, and we'll go follow the air drifting around. I'm going to take you to a meadow, made of silver branches sparkling about, glistening beauty under the moonlight, the richest we have found. You'll sink me with your pebbles, the big orbs inside your eyes, I'll build a ladder to understand you, break my foot as I go down. You make the little moments a treasure, I step in circles as I walk, If your voice were to be lost to me, I know, I would go now, I know, I would never be found. November 03 If I live too long, I am afraid I'll die There are many things I don't understand. Death is the one that is currently very present in my life, and I am not sure what's really going on. My head accepts it, I understand the cycle of life, that once someone or something is gone, it is gone. Yet, the heart lingers. It keeps, questioning the possibility of such events. Why? Why not just, not die? How can people be so posessive of material things when the one thing they could ever really love, life, is much more fragile. I try to make sense of it, hopefully that will lead me somewhere as I drift along. The reason I am bringing it on is because today I noticed a big shift in my behavior. A thing I was doing before, that is no longer there. When I noticed it was gone, things felt, together. As if the gears finally fit correctly in place. I understand that I don't have to understand everything. That is a huge weight off my back. October 26 Someday. A song.You are, the richest green, the deepest swim, the pressure, of a soft kiss. You are, a blush, that turns into a million zebras, hiding, behind a tree. You are, a stone, gazing at the sea, the biggest wave I've ever seen. You are, adventure, a rush of cold air, pushing things along. You are, the edge of the tallest cliff, a song in the wind, a bird, rejoicing, You are, spring. October 23 Lost in her wordsThey rush by , the wind chasing the very echo of their run. She smiles, time stops, I listen. The air gets damp and heavy, my breathing slows down, the rythm of air going in and a exhale mesmerizes the moment. Her words sound cripsly in my mind, her lips dancing about, her eyes shinning on, her delicate hands, keeping control. I feel a slap in my forehead, then a punch by the cheek, then a slam on my back, and a kick in the knee. Reason, reason compelled me! Reason said it was so, to understand a woman, you have to let go of reason and thought. So we forgot the real meaning, of the things she had to say, because I focused on being reasonable, the worst trait in such affairs. Get beyond love and grief: exist for the good of man. Today, I saw an old woman being taken away by an ambulance. It made think of my grandfather. and his fate, and my life and his purpose, and my lies, and his stories, and my lies, and his widsom, and my lies. Today, I saw a girl with the prettiest eyes, and I fell in love, for a second, as always. Today I thought of you and me, and us, and everyone else around. and how we meet each other as we go along, and how we forget where we come from, and how it turns out we are different, yet, somehow, the same. Today I shed a tear. for my loves, my hates, my understandings, and my mistakes. I don't know when my grandfather is going to get better, it is a heavy question on my mind, but tonight there will be meteors falling from heaven, and I hope, somehow, we get to watch them, together, I really hope it doesn't rain. (I miss every person I've ever met) October 04 Oh no! I didn't consider that!? I guess one never really learns how to properly control the ego.. Damn. October 01 No todo esta perdido It is evening, we are here. You are talking about far away places, lands of foreign myths, where the sky is full of fallen heroes. I dream. I notice the cold creeping inside the room. Kneeling behind me, breathing heavily on my neck, waiting for my answer. As the stars start collapsing all around you, I reach out and grab your hand. It is soft. I dream. One day I will tell you all there is to tell about telling everything. I will be able to share, to be understood, to be included. We will move away into a forest, and we will open a store. We will sell nuts to all the critters and weapons to the wolf at the door. We will trade magical fairy secrets for a pint of beer or a glove. We will make the world our garden, and walk about the sun. You stop. The room becomes nostalgic. I dream. Let's put the sky in a bottle, and paint a new one instead. We can choose our own colors, and splash with our own hands. We'll make amends and give back the rainbows we stole. As we skip away into the ocean, we make up dancing steps. Then we sink. You are gone. I dream. August 04 En abril She told me I was golden. Then, as the sun came down, her eyes changed into a yellow hue and my heart sank into a bottomless pit. She, my girl, was gone. July 03 The space people told me to write down the names of those who sent me there in the first placeWho calls the shots when it comes to destination? What rockets your fuel, or wheels your spin? Some time ago, when I first flew out here, the sky was clear like a glass of wine. Dark, but at the same time, shiny, brand-new, and forbidding. Somehow I let all of the outer details of my surroundings cloud my judgement and without proper consideration or thought, I jumped away to the marvelous idea of "self creation". I have no idea what that means. I am not what I intended to create, I have not created what I intended to be. Vicious cycle if you ask me, but then again, that's the one thing I've always been good at, running in circles. So fuck it, life is grand, and all my plans are shit. Mouth has said that love is dumb, but heart has asked for a re-evaluation of thought, because last night, mind took a gun and shot itself. A defiance to the constant bickering of conciousness meddling in on everybody's buisnesss. So, here, as I am, hypocrite, mindless, and romantic, I make a vow to trip and stand up victorious. Sword in hand, cape flowing victory is my new image. Let the dreams come back and take me down to earth, for reality has only blown me away into nothingness, to the boundless empty silence of space. The space people found me, and gave me a ticket back home. May 26 Como te veoInalcanzable, te siento, intocable, lejos de mis brazos, lejos de mis manos, lejos de mis dedos, lejos de mis uñas, lejos de mis sombras, lejos de mis sueños, lejos de mis pasos, lejos de mis voces, lejos de mi. Me siento, lejos de todo lo que eres, lejos de todo lo que fuiste, lejos de todo lo que sentí. Eres, mi fuente insaciable, de promesas, de fantasias, de vidas futuras, de lindas anomalias, de todos los colores, de todas mis pasiones, de risas, de cifras, de mares, de ganas de vivir. Fuiste, sueño perfecto, sudor sin aliento, sonrisa humeda, mi verano sin fin. Te quiero, Perfecta, Divina, Coqueta, Aqui. Me pierdo, y me despido con un beso, que partio hace un milenio, con destino a tu silencio, buscando ser un recuerdo, agradable, que te haga vivir. Te escribo, te explico, todo lo que fui. Como te veo, asi, te quiero, aunque seas nada mas que un recuerdo, de un evento inquieto, creado por deseos, fantasias brillantes, en mi cielo de abril. January 20 The quick, untold story of Johnny and Jill Jill took a bite of the apple. She felt the grinding of tooth over tooth, the juciy piece of fruit flesh squishing inside her mouth, the leathery texture of the skin. She enjoyed expanding her sensations, giving in to the electrical signals of pleasure send by her brain into her body. That's why Jill liked being in love.
After finishing up her quick snack, Jill decided to take a walk by the block in order to douse her face with some very fine vitamin D. The day was bright and everything seemed so lively and colorful, her mind was spinning with little fantasies of flying, singing, and for some reason, dying. She didn't like that, but it happened quite often, Jill somehow, couldn't stop thinking about death. She never really felt any fear, it was more of a curiosity on what happened after than the actual act of death. So she walked on, her world turning and twisting as she went by, her head giving her sweet treats of irreality.
She was so entranced on her own world that she didnt notice the boy walking. She didnt notice the gleam in his eye, she didnt notice the gun in his hand. She only heard a bang that snapped her out of her fantasy, towards a cold, chilly air. She was fading out, her eyes were screaming for an asnwer, her mouth gasping for a word of reason. She felt weak, she went limp, Jill was no more.
Johnny had warned her. If he can't have her, no one else would. He tucked the gun under his belt, and started to run. His head spinning, his heart pumping, his legs taking him far and away. Johnny said he was in love, but he never seemed to know how to handle it.
November 02 Tradition There's a million birds outside of my window,
And for a Sunday afternoon I can't come up for a reason to smile.
My head is full of thoughts of resentment,
Of bad omens for things to come.
I hate myself when I keep thinking of dark things like that.
No one likes to hear negativity in their head.
Yet inside, all I care for is reason.
The common sense that haunts us all.
My father said I am too much of a sacrifice,
but my heart was already dried up inside.
The funny thing about it, though,
is that I agree with him,
and I don't even have to pretend to not care at all.
So I stand back at look at what I have created.
This thing that has no feelings at all.
Goverened by reason over emotions,
because it is the only safe measure that works, at all.
But I will not put my hand on my own shoulder,
because I have done nothing wrong.
I am not to become a victim for all the tragedies,
because I chose to move on.
And I may live inside a little glass box,
as I watch everybody else live on.
men and women, getting together,
Love infecting everything with it's touch.
A little part of me earns to be infected.
To just give up and open that door.
But the wall between us is so thick and heavy,
I can barely hear myself at all.
So there's a million birds outside my window,
one for every girl I onced loved.
So beautiful and free they all seem to me,
as long as they are outside my little box.
So I agree with myself on something.
that I'll carry one last time.
A heavy load of many sad memories,
that I am going to hang up to dry.
I'll make a rope of the thickest girth out there,
Long enough to hold them all,
I'll wrap my mysery around their skinny necks,
and pull the lever without remorse.
The snap will free me of this sorrow,
a smile will grow upon my face,
I can start thinking on love tomorrow,
when I know my burden is, finally, dead.
October 25 One day ahead. One day I'll loose everything to your smile.
One day I'll give up to your touch.
One day I'll scare away all of my fears.
One day I'll give in to love,
One day I'll even get a grip on religion.
One day your lips will tell me everything I want to know.
One day your sweat will make me feel
One day I will grab your hand and know, that I am home. October 22 Mi personaQuiero ser,
Como un jinete en el desierto,
Como una nube en abril,
Como un libro en el piso,
Como una piedra en el jardin,
Como un duende en tus cuentos,
Como una lagrima que se seco,
Como un dolor pasajero,
Como una mezcla de licor,
Como un color que te enamora,
Como una jarra de cristal,
Como una letra mal puesta,
Como una aventura sin final,
Quiero ser el aire seco de montana,
Quiero ser el toxico de un volcan,
Quiero ser leyenda de cultura,
Quiero ser todo,
Quiero ser,
Como una vela en altamar. October 21 Old wood songFairy, fairy of the forest, I like your dancing; I like your song. Fairy, fairy, I want to play also, I just want to sing along.
I'll do anything for you, anything at all...
I hear your whispers outside my window, I hear you plotting under the moon. Fairy, fairy, let me be with you, I'll do anything, I promise, anything at all...
I kiss my momma; good night already, I even cut my father's tongue. My baby sister is no longer crying, She’s sleeping soundly to your song.
Fairy, fairy please don't leave me, I just want to dance around. I hear you singing to all the little children, They all sleep soundly to your song.
Some people say that you are evil, That you bate in children's blood. Fairy, fairy, that's just silly, They are all just jealous of your song.
I know you are really lonely, I know you just want to play. Let me come with you, fairy, I'll do anything for you, anything at all...
Fairy, fairy I can't go back now, My mother is finally asleep. My baby sister is getting hungry, And my father can no longer speak.
Twinkle once if you accept my pleading, Twinkle twice if I should run. Oh fairy, fairy, please don’t eat me, I am just a boy without a home...
And I'll do anything for you, I promise anything at all... October 18 Mudblood I used to have clean nails. In fact, I used to have clean fingertips too. I remember washing my hands off your sick, sticky lies, letting the water and soap carry away my hurt.
I used to have trimmed hair, with a smile on my face. Now I rub the stubs that are nothing but left overs of your cuts, daggers meant to destroy, but I was too, quick, too strong.
Too much for you to take down, too much for you to turn into dust.
Now I have to pick myself up and live all patched up.
I wished I learned how to sow back in tailoring class. I wished I knew what it took to bring myself back into a whole.
I used to have soft lips, and a pristine laugh. Now I have cracks all over my mouth, and the sour taste of your fun.
I'll go clean myself now, once again washed up in drugs. Because water and soap is not enough and my heart beats no more. October 12 When music lifts you up. There's always a familiar scent to things. For as much you try to recall it in your mind, nothing concrete comes up. Just smells like everything, yet everything somehow smells the same. Sound is the same.
I had a dream of a girl walking up to me in a road. I was starled and a little annoyed, yet I couldn't look away. She told me something about being finally there and catching up and I thought of just walking faster, while looking away. She then just stopped, and started to wave. I offcourse waved back, while looking away.
Then a light flashed by my side and I was figthing a Lion under the rain.
Have you ever had a dream where you feel a dangerous animal is roaming around your house and staying inside is not really that safe? I usually picture a tiger raoming around, and looking through windows looking for prey. It's a bit scary but for some reason I start to walk outside. Might as well do what I please if inside is not even that safe. So I roam around too, scared of being caught, yet looking to get a glimpse of the beast front to front. Contractory? Wouldn't be the first time in my life. Certainly not the last.
October 02 Somewhere out there. Tapped my fingers to the song,
My hand is all dried up and tired,
Withered and old, the hands of a ghoul.
As if I could be a being from those fairy tales,
Were all I do is spook the life out of innocent childs,
Maybe I could be a gnome, and have a little farm,
and there I could grow dream dust,
so I could spread it around the towns.
To make myself worth a while,
to have a route all around the world,
be known for giving out the best of gifts,
To be loved yet not seen.
As a ghoul I would do no good,
I would wake up empty everynight and walk around,
I would not be content,
I could never go to bed,
The gnomes don't like ghouls,
So ghouls don't dream.
So where do I hang my shoes?
Can I get a little chair to warm my socks?
What about tea? Honey? What about my fucking tea?
Where is my fucking tea?
All I want is my tea.
I may not be a gnome, or a ghoul or a frickin magic bean,
but i got you darling,
and I got my tea.
So cheers for those who still read the tales,
Cheers for those who go to bed with dreams,
cheers for those who gave up all hope,
and wonder around empty and weak.
Ill sit on my chair, and sip on my tea.
As long as I got my darling,
I don't need to be seen.
I'll just sip on my tea,
I'll just sip on my dreams,
I'll just sip on my hopes,
until my cup dries up, and my hands finish their song.
The ballad of ages,
The ballad of sins.
August 30 AnthemWe are the ones of the future, We have no thoughts of a god, We create with our own hands, We destroy with our souls, We have no empathy for fantasy, We tore out innocence's heart, We can't feel emotions, We judge everything with a scorn, We love, We hope, We hate, We fuck. We can't feel emotions, We cry, We laugh, We grin, We fuck. We are the ones of the future, We don't understand ourselves, We are the ones of the future, We are scared. August 26 Cotton-Mouth
It's going to rain all night, I can smell it. The air has a taste of wet cotton balls, fibrous, uncomfortable, almost sickening. Everything is dark and lonesome, as if water made all creatures afraid of something. Some sort of prelude to a bigger disaster, a looming of tragedy and death. Always looking for a shelter, for a safe haven from the tears of the heaven, the misery of the ancients. As I drive around the city, I can't help but notice how all of a sudden, the streets have acquired a miserable existence. As if the earth screamed for every little drop that splashes in the ground, in pain, a cruel torture. Slowly, my eyes drift to the little spectacles of lights inside the puddles. Their beautiful dance between waves of motion make my mind roll with serenity. I no longer feel misplaced, there is peace in their art. I am a child of the sun, the rain, the light and the wave. Half particle and half man, half existent and half void. The imperfections in me are part of who I am, and that is why, when it rains, I feel clean. August 17 In a minute
I walked in and there she was, complete, as I expected. In a minute, I said. The longest wait in my life. Then we met, short and sweet. Now I am just waiting to drop, the highest reach I could ever hope, gravity, will bring me down. July 31 Don't go crazy, Oh love don't go insane...
It took the ant 5 days to reach the goal. Five miserable days of wandering to finally gaze upon the sweet smell of success. So much road behind, so much sweat, so much effort put in. Only to be trapped under a nice clear tape, 3M brand #305 to be specific. Who would've known? One man's tool of craftsmanship is one ant's doom device.
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